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För en vecka sedan, kl 6 den 14 november, tog jag tåget upp till Stockholm. Några månder innan hade jag köpt biljetter till Marilyn Manson och även köpt biljett till meet and greet. Jag hade inga som helst förväntingar, speciellt inte efter vad som hände sist jag skulle göra meet and greet med Manson (vilket var att jag kom en timme för sent pågrund av snökaos och missade det). När jag kom fram till Stockholm promenerade jag i kylan till det gulliga båthotellet på Söder som jag skulle stanna över natten och några timmar senare mötte jag upp en vän vid Annexet där Marilyn Manson skulle uppträda senare på kvällen. Min vän hade inte meet and greet så jag höll henne sällskap en stund för att vara säker på att hon kom långt fram så vi eventuellt kunde hitta varandra inne på självaste arenan. Jag fick höra att jag var lugn, nästan lite för lugn och det var precis det jag var. Det var nästan skrämmande hur lugn jag var med tanke på att jag bara inom någon timme skulle få träffa mannen, myten, legenden. Mannen som jag har avgudat och sett upp till sen jag var 12 år. Mannen vars musik som har räddat mig tusen gånger om och fått mig att orka kämpa när allting har känts piss och meningslöst. Mannen som betyder allt för mig. 

När alla med meet and greet möttes upp träffade jag en tjej som jag har skrivit till på Twitter under en längre period. Hon och hennes vän verkade också väldigt lugna. Jag tror att ingen av oss riktigt förstod vad som faktiskt var påväg att hända. När alla hade kommit, fått sin merch och ställt sig i en kö väntade vi i närmare en timme på att bli insläppta till backstage området. Väl där började själva väntan på att få träffa Manson. Det var inte förrän när resten av bandet gick förbi oss i kön som alla känslor började komma fram. Efter det gick allting så himla fort. Innan jag visste ordet av det så var det bara några få personer framför mig i kön, nervositeten som höll på att övergå till panik tog över och när det var min tur tvingade jag tillbaka tårarna. Jag vet inte riktigt vad jag hade väntat mig, men jag trodde att rummet skulle vara större så när jag klev in och fick se Manson sitta i en soffa precis framför mig och fick ögonkontakt var det som att jag hamnade i ett chocktillstånd. Helt mållös. Allt som jag hade tänkt ut i förväg som jag ville säga och fråga honom försvann. Jag var helt tom. Tyvärr, så fick jag aldrig sagt eller frågat honom det jag ville just för att jag knappt fick fram några ord. Det stod helt stilla i huvudet. Han var i alla fall lika trevlig som jag hade fått höra. Han sa att han gillade min tröja för att den matchade hans scarf, frågade minst två gånger hur jag mådde och när vi väntade på att polaroidbilden skulle bli klar gjorde han någonting med den, liksom tryckte på den med sina tummar och sa att det skulle hjälpa det att gå fortare och då av någon anledning la jag märke till hans nagellack och kommenterade något i stil med "I like your nail polish". Istället för att ta tillfälle i akt och berätta hur mycket han och hans musik betyder för mig och har hjälpt mig under alla dessa år så är en kommentar om hans nagellack det enda jag får ur mig??? Sen frågade han om mitt namn och bad mig stava det åt honom och av misstag började jag med bokstaven H, antagligen för att jag hade övat på hur man uttalar den bokstaven på engelska de senaste veckorna just inför vårt möte men jag fick verkligen hjärnsläpp där och då. Manson blev aningen förvirrad men sa att han redan visste hur man stavade det. När han signerade bilden tog jag modet till mig och frågade om han kunde signera min arm också (vilket jag tatuerade in två dagar senare). Jag började äntligen känna mig lite mer bekväm men typiskt nog var tiden slut just då, vi sa hej då och det var inte förrän när konserten började som jag började gråta och insåg att jag har träffat the man of my life. Efter 10 år, 6 konserter och ett tidigare misslyckat försök till meet and greet några innan så hände det äntligen.    

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